I took the photo above of Mum and Dad on a Thanksgiving trip to the beautiful Muskoka’s about 20 years ago. I was fiddling with the settings on my film camera and looked up to see this shot ready to be taken. I’m so glad I took it! Today I am missing my parents. Dad passed away 4 and a half years ago and our dear Mum left us on January 30th, just a short but very long week ago.

Today I want to reach out and thank all of you who supported our family during this very difficult time. So many kind friends, colleagues and family wrapped their love around us in so many different ways to let us know we are not alone: through giant hugs, beautiful flowers, thoughtful cards and emails, delicious food thoughtfully made and delivered, kind words, and wonderfully touching and funny stories of our Mum. Your kindness and compassion has made this heartbreaking time bearable. Thank you, thank you!

For those who could not attend Mum’s memorial, I thought I would post the eulogy that Jenny and I wrote and delivered together. Our Mum was very special to us. She showed us she loved us in so many ways. She was also very, VERY funny. We wove in some of our favourite stories that still make us smile and giggle so we could ward off tears. We were not very successful but we did manage to tell Mum’s story. Here it is, supported by all the photos that we found, scanned and shared that day.

The Story of Bobbie McGee Henderson

We will start the story of Bobbie’s life with a recent conversation on January 4th between Jen and Mum. 

Jen: “Happy Birthday Mum”

Mum: “Is it my birthday? How old am I?”

Jen: “89”

Mum: “Oh go on with you! That’s old!”

Mum had such a way with words! We call it “The Bobbie Dictionary”. It included strong swear words like fiddle faddle and gall and heck, as well as ding dong…as in “ding dong, it’s cold outside” And wonderfully descriptive and uplifting sayings like: “you look like the wreck of the Hesperus” or “your face looks like a pail of crushed worms.” And “Saints preserve us!” She used these terms liberally with a twinkle in her eye and we loved her for it!

Over the past few days we spent time pouring over old photos and gathering stories from our cousins, looking for a thread to help us weave the story of Mum’s life together for today. Words such as compassion, humour, resiliency, and faith bubbled to the surface. But one of our cousins said it best: we “were raised in love” meaning ours was a welcoming house full of warmth and love. Another cousin said “walking in your door was like walking into my own house.” Compassion, humour, resiliency, faith and most of all, love. These are the words that defined Mum over a span of 89 well-lived years.

Mum started her life in Sarnia in 1931 as Bobbie McGee. True story!! She was part of a large family of four girls and three boys who grew up during the Second World War, a tough era that would define many lives. Mum never complained about those truly hard times but they did inform who she would become.  The words caring and resiliency got their start here as she cared for her siblings while her Dad was away at war.

The family would eventually move to Forest where Mum would take on many jobs to support her family from the canning factory to our beloved Forest Bakery where Mum would first meet Dad. You could say their eyes met over the best orange twists ever made! 

Our cousins were thrilled that our longtime bachelor Dad met “this red head from town!” While they were “courting” Mum was able to start her life’s calling: to become a nurse. Mum came from a long line of nurses so caring for others was in her blood. Dad would pick her up from nursing school in nearby Byron each week. Their time away from each other revealed that theirs was a love of a lifetime. Marrying later in life than many at that time, our cousins were able to take part in the wedding at the Anglican Church in Forest. A beautiful and fun day! 

Mum’s famous resiliency and wonderful sense of humour was called upon when she moved out to the farm with Dad. Can you imagine learning how to cook big farm meals for the first time? For instance, Mum’s first pumpkin pie was an adventure when it was learned that she did not mix the eggs. They went in whole and came out whole. What a crazy first pie! Mum also pitched in with chores and farm work. Dad always lovingly told the story of teaching Mum how to plow. “Just look at a fencepost and drive straight”. He should have mentioned putting the plow in the ground first!

It wasn’t long before a pair of red head’s arrived to keep Mum hopping. Jen and I both remember coming home from school, finding Mum sitting at the kitchen table sewing. We would join her there, bent over our homework and a lovingly-made cup of tea. Everyone has been kind to share how much they enjoyed visiting our farm. Mom made it a wonderful home where we felt safe and loved.

Growing up in our house, Sundays were usually observed as a “day of rest.” We all went to church, and Mum taught Sunday school. One of her great joys was teaching alongside Holly Scott, Connie Clark and Nancy Cates, ministering to her young charges as best she could.

Mum and Dad’s resiliency was tested again when we had to move from the farm in the late eighties. Farming wasn’t the same as big operations were turning family farms into big business. This was perhaps the biggest test of their resiliency and faith to move from what they loved to start a new life in Plympton Township in their mid 50’s. Just when everyone else was considering retiring, Mum and Dad bravely went back to school and started new careers. Dad became a real estate agent and delivered the London Free Press. Mum became a Health Care Aid. Talk about full circle! Mum got to go back to her first love, nursing, and enjoyed a 10 year career caring for all the great folks at the North Lambton Rest Home in Forest.

These days at the home were not without their own set of Bobbie stories. Once Mum helped a resident start shaving himself with his electric shaver and left him to his own devices to help someone else. She came back to a whisker-free face and a bald head! Bobbie’s co-workers remember a caring and compassionate woman who found the humour in every situation in a very challenging career.

When Mum and Dad finally got to hang up their working clothes after not one but two long careers, they moved into Forest. They lived first in an apartment at Evergreen Estates but Dad was missing his own piece of real estate so they bought a sweet little white house on Church Street, just up the road from where they got married. Their time in Forest was not quiet by any means. They got to witness their grandchildren, Kyle, Shelby, and Corey grow into the kind and generous young people they are today. They attended Forest United Church regularly and dedicated their spare time and compassion to supporting the Canadian Cancer Society by driving patients back and forth from their treatments in London.

It wasn’t until the past 10 years that Mum started to struggle with dementia, with Dad as her constant care-giver and memory-keeper. Leaving their home for Watford Quality Care and St. Joseph’s Hospice in Sarnia was the toughest week this tight-knit duo faced since moving from the farm. They had been married for 50 wonderful years but it was time for both to receive more care than either they or Jen could give at home.

Dementia is so very tough. We all know this. But it also can be a blessing. When Dad passed away Mum’s memory of him faded quickly, which thankfully lessened her grief and made the past 5 years at Watford Quality Care manageable. Again with the famous Bobbie resiliency and humour, Mum tried to get the most from each day while focusing on simple joys. Art class. Watching the birds outside. Enjoying the gorgeous flowers planted out front. Even pitching in folding clothes in the afternoon, which she called “her job.” She really loved all of your visits!

Perhaps the best highlight of Mum’s time at Watford Quality Care came when Jen purchased “Kitty” Mum’s mechanical companion cat. Mum LOVED cats! This battery-operated cat purred, meowed, and rolled over with Mum’s touch. On tough days, Mum sincerely believed the cat was real and talked to it. On better days, Mum would inform us “you know this cat isn’t viable.” Never-the-less Mum loved that cat. Best money ever spent!

It is always hard to say goodbye to someone we love so dearly but Mum let us know this past year that she had had a good life and was “ready to go.” We have been blessed to have Mum in our lives for 89 wonderful years. This is a celebration of a life well-lived and full of love.

Epilogue

Thank you for reading Mum’s story. When we miss the ones we love so dearly, these photos and stories sustain us. They are evidence of a life so very well lived with an abundance of humour and grace.

I have two thank you’s still to give. The first to my dear sister, Jen, who lovingly took such good care of Mum, when Dad was sick, but especially these past four years while Mum was at Watford Quality Care. Jen showed amazing compassion, patience and deep love for Mum when Mum’s memory lagged and when her health started to fail. Jen, you were the best gift Mum could receive each week. From the bottom of my heart thank you and I love you!

My last thank you is to Mum. Some stories you cannot share in a public eulogy. They are too personal and too “weep-inducing” to share. So I will share this thank you here and now. Mum was one of my biggest life cheerleaders. She loved me no matter what and found many loving ways to express her love for her youngest child. This morning I unearthed some very dear letters Mum wrote to me back in the early 2000’s when I was living in Toronto between jobs. Mum knew I needed a cheerleader at this vulnerable time and decided to reach out to me each week through timely letters I couldn’t wait to receive in the mail.

Each letter included some “power thoughts” or “morsels of wisdom” Mum cut out of the local newspaper that spoke about hope, integrity or trying your best. She even included my horoscope for that week! But more importantly, I savoured the hand-written letters that came folded in a pretty envelope decorated with Mum’s favourite flowers. The letters were short but sweet. She shared what Mum, Dad, Jen, Brian and the kids were up to that week. Simple anecdotes to remind me that I was not alone. These “morsels” are now precious to me and I’m so very grateful I have had such a wise, fun, and loving Mum in my life all of these years.

Thank you Mum for giving Jen and I the best gift a Mother can give their children: a life full of love. We miss you already.