To Believe Better Things

On this bitterly cold New Years Eve, I find myself reflecting on the year just passing. 2017 in many ways was a remarkable ride! Just one year ago I sat at this desk and made a resolution to not just survive but to thrive; to get outside, to get healthy, to appreciate each day as it comes. When I look back at all of my favourite photos from this year, I’m amazed that I did just that. In fact, there are countless photos of steep, cedar stairs winding up through rugged, bright green BC rainforests. These are stairs that I climbed. And climbed and climbed. Breathing deeply, oozing quiet gratitude, searching for some form of peace of mind and heart. In many ways, 2017 represented a year of recovery. From the loss of my Dad. From a serious surgery. From a seemingly unshakeable and unknowable homesickness for familiar ground, faces and places. in 2017 I put one foot in front of the other and just climbed.

Today I find myself back among family and friends in Toronto amazed at my good fortune to land on my feet after such a long climb. I’m sure there will be a day soon when I can look back on my time away out west an understand and appreciate the benefits of that journey. Today it seems like a long one that shifted everything inside of me. I’ve come out the other end a different person. Not better. Just different. Quieter on some days, quicker to laugh on other days. But one thing is constant. An unwavering sense of gratitude for each day.

So on this New Years Eve 2017, I will continue last year’s tradition and make some resolutions that I will keep. In fact, a recent episode of the wonderful series The Crown introduced an insightful notion for change: three things to keep or start doing and three things to stop doing. I think I have room for that!

I will start with the hardest first: what to stop doing. I’m going to stop worrying about the future. Worrying has never solved anything. I’m going to stop trying to control the outcome of everything. There are so few things I actually do have control over and those things will go into the keep doing list. And I’m going to stop trying to be right all the time. A friend recently pointed out this tendency and she was right. I once read it is better to be kind than right and I like this notion and will do my very best to adopt it in 2018.

The keep or start doing list should be easier but like with all things, change is hard. In the keep doing pile is exercise! I think that wise guy Aristotle was right. It is better to gain a sound mind through a sound body. I loved all my hikes this year, and I have a gym right inside my apartment building. Time to get back at that! I also hope to be a better friend. The introvert in me often craves silence and solitude. I’m that person that could easily live on a deserted island with a good book quite happily. But making time for friendship is vitally important; I want to thank each of you for sustaining me through some pretty tough years; I will be a better friend in return. The deserted island can wait :). Lastly, I plan to, as the quote above suggests, “believe in better.” Anyone who has been knocked about by tough times recognizes the hard shell you develop to protect your heart and soul from further destruction and harm. That hard shell may protect but it also limits. It takes courage to be vulnerable enough to believe in better; to believe you deserve better; to BE better. Better is all around us if we are open to it and let it in.

May 2018 bring you the better you deserve. May friendship surround you. May tough times be short, and your good days long. Happy New Year from your Vagabond Photographer!