When you drive down the back roads of Lambton County in the summer, you will come across many places where you will see brilliant, orange Tiger Lilies, or “Ditch Lilies” like the ones in this photo taken at the site of the old S.S. #7 Bosanquet School on Fuller Line. These lilies often mark the spot where a family farm, old church or schoolyard used to be. Not unlike the Inuit Inukshuk, the stone men you see on roadsides across Canada, they are an important symbol to passersby. They say “I was here.”

This past week my sister Jenny and I lost our dear Dad, Jack Henderson, to a short battle with cancer. As I sit here writing this post, it feels too soon to reflect on the journey our family has been through these past months since Dad’s diagnosis. That story may yet appear here when I’m ready to write it.

Today’s story is about gratitude. It is never too soon for that! While we have experienced much sadness and grief each day over the past weeks, we have also experienced wonderful, unexpected and gracious moments of love. Moments that wash over you like the early morning sun. These moments have an author and it is our community of Forest. This is a special place and I always knew that. I had hoped that it would be there to envelope us when we most needed it and we cannot say thank you enough for the love and support you have given our family. This includes friends and family, our church community but also thoughtful, compassionate care-givers and friends from far away who just started to get to know our Dad and just what a special man he was. Each of you is now part of our family and our community!

I am also grateful for the precious gift of time I was given to spend with Dad in the last weeks of his life. Beautiful moments with Mum sitting at Dad’s side. Holding Dad’s hand during Blue Jays games and celebrating a few timely wins. And quiet times when Dad reflected on his life and I just listened. Out of this time came some stories and wishes that Dad hoped would be passed on and remembered beyond his time here with us. His own Tiger Lilies. This was so very important to him. So today I am sharing Dad’s stories and wishes for us in the eulogy that I wrote for Dad as part of his funeral service at the Forest United Church. It was written in haste as I thought, as we all did, that we would have more time with him. But most importantly it was written with much love and affection. I am going to miss you Dad. I love you!

A Eulogy For Jack Henderson

Welcome Family and Friends.

I’m going to ask for some audience participation. Here goes…

Knock, knock…

Congregation: “Who’s there?”

Bisquick

Congregation: “Bisquick Who?”

Bisquick…your pants are on fire!

Knock, Knock…

Congregation: “Who’s there?”

Adam

Congregation: “Adam who?”

Adam mosquito bit me!

Knock, knock

Congregation: “Who’s there?”

Andy

Congregation: “Andy who?”

Andy bit me again!

Thank you for coming here today to help us celebrate the life of Jack Henderson. As many of you know, Jack loved to tell a good joke or two. Or even a bad one! This was always purposeful. Jack knew just the right moment when levity was needed to help calm, comfort and cajole us. He knew that laughter is always the best medicine!

Jack did have a serious, philosophical and spiritual side too and this shone through in recent weeks as he reflected on a long life very well lived. He shared one concern with us that we feel is important to address today. Coming from a farming community, and having lived here all his life, Jack had not traveled far beyond the borders of Lambton County very often. A busy farm life just did not permit it. He worried that, in his words, he “had not cut a very broad swath in life.” I think through this short, sometimes painful journey over the past few weeks, Jack learned, through your visits and well wishes, that he HAS cut a broad swath in this community, where it counts the most. Just look at all of you sitting here today! I am sure each of you has a story to tell about Jack, about his kindness, generosity, and simple gestures of friendship.

Today, in honour of Jack, we are going to tell a few stories about him, to remind him that he indeed cut a very broad, loving, tender swath through our lives here in Forest. Some will make you nod and think, “That’s our Jack.” Some will make you laugh. Some will surprise you. And of course some will make you cry. As Jack has said to us over the past few weeks when unwanted tears started to fall, “just let it all hang out. It’s ok.”

Our first story is of Jack as Farmer. Farmer Jack.  There is no better place to start than with his words of farm wisdom: “Corn should be knee-high by the fourth of July” (and yes, this year’s crop looks promising!); “Rain before 7, clear before 11” (unless it is an “all day rain” like yesterday). And “red sky at night, sailor’s delight; red sky in the morning, sailors take warning.” These sayings are often true and they were learned from years of experience.

When Jack took over the family farm from his parents, Milt and Alice, Milt instructed Jack to “always leave the land in better shape than you found it.” Jack took this request to heart and was the perfect steward to his patch of land, growing crops, tending to animals, and providing food for our table. Jack also loved helping his neighbours through custom work at harvest time. Jack would happily travel the side roads of Lambton County with his harvester or combine, helping neighbours bring in their crops for the year. We secretly think he did this for all of the big, plentiful farm suppers that were always offered each evening (no slight intended here to your cooking Bobbie!).

When the Henderson’s lost the family farm in the late 1980’s, this broke Jack’s heart. That 125 acres was their home and their livelihood. But perhaps the greatest story of Jack’s life is one of resiliency in the face of adversity. Without complaining, without blame and without pity, Jack and Bobbie picked up the pieces of their lives and started over. Both Jack and Bobbie, then in their mid 50’s, when everyone else is thinking of retirement, went back to school as a real estate agent and a health care worker. Jenny recalls sitting at the kitchen table at the house out in Plympton, all three of them doing their homework! At the same time, Jack also took on a job with the London Free Press delivering papers in Bright’s Grove. Each morning he would get up at 1:30 am, drive to Reece’s Corners, pick up the papers, wrap each one in their blue plastic bag, and deliver them throughout the early morning hours. He would get home at 5:30 am, tired but ready to start his day. Not unlike farming, he did this to provide for his family and put food on the table. There was no quit in Jack Henderson! And like every good Jack story, there is always a moral to help guide us.

What is the moral of this farming tale? There are two: leave the land in better shape than you found it. Be a good steward to Mother Earth, she is the only one we have! And, always remember: when the going gets rough, keep going! Keep growing! Even if your heart is breaking. Especially if your heart is breaking. You will be glad you did.

Our second story is of Jack as Friend and Neighbour. Everyone has kindly commented over the past few weeks how much they appreciated seeing Jack up town with his warm smile and ever-friendly wave. He was everyone’s friend and he appreciated your friendship in return more than you can ever imagine!

He loved his early morning coffee conferences with Bill, George and the gang at Huron Cove. Great things were discussed and all the world’s problems were solved over a cup of steaming Joe! And you, our Forest United Church fellowship! Your loving kindness has surrounded Jack and Bobbie throughout their years here in the pew 2/3’s back on the left! Jack also wanted to mention a special thanks to some unexpected yet welcome help from a few friends and neighbours who have helped him out recently. Paul Thompson for keeping the driveway free of snow in the winter. Calvin Fuller for keeping the lawn pristine and green. And dear Spencer for bravely picking him up when he had fallen last month. You are good friends and neighbours!

Jack also quickly formed a strong bond with his care-givers in the past few months, from welcome games of euchre with Kitty and Janine, to the passionate and thoughtful care from the team at St. Joseph’s Hospice in Sarnia who reminded us on Jack’s last night what a special man he is. As Heather Storr told us “he came here and stole our hearts.”

Lastly, Jack was a fabulous neighbour. Quiet, friendly, and always armed with a new joke or story. In return, he had fabulous neighbours who meant the world to him. On the farm:  the Hodgson’s, Buchanan’s, Hill’s, Watson’s, Brown’s, Fullers and Sapeta’s. Out in Plympton: the Cate’s, Delmage’s, Kemp’s, Scott’s and Smith’s. And here in Forest, the Mead’s, and Dupuis’. You brought love and light into his life! And you reminded us of Jack’s most heart-felt belief in The Golden Rule.

The moral of this story of friendship and fellowship? Love thy neighbour! Love one another. Always!

Our third and last series of stories is about the importance of family. Have any of you encountered Jack’s big, bountiful binder of the Henderson family tree? It is a massive tome, lovingly compiled with official records, dog-eared black and white photos and nostalgia-tinted Polaroids, stitched together with Jack’s careful penmanship. Jen would say Jack’s interest in the Henderson Family tree can only be rivaled by his interest in everybody else’s! Jack knew everyone’s name, who they belonged to, and where they came from. This is because Jack believed in the power of family to bind us together through the years. Family meant everything to Jack. And he meant the world and beyond to his family!

As a Brother and Brother-in-Law, Madeline and Ilene recall a gentle, generous man who would do just about anything for you. When Ilene lost her husband, Jack’s brother Bill, she recalls Jack and Bobbie making a point of picking her up for all sorts of day trips and drives that would help her remember that she was still part of the family. From coffees up at the Huron Cove, to pickerel suppers at Cedar Cove Marina to longer trips to Manitoulin, Ilene became an important and integral part of Jack and Bobbie’s family circle. Madeline, Jack’s Sister recalls growing up on the farm where the Henderson kids did everything together, from sharing one bike and taking turns riding it, to skating on neighbour’s ponds. She also recalls that Jack was one of the better students at S.S. #7, always good at memory work, which made him the perfect keeper of stories and the family tree! Perhaps her favourite story of Jack involved his endless patience with a household of fiery red heads. When Bobbie brought Pat home from the hospital for the first time, wee Jenny demanded that she be taken back immediately. Jack came in from the barn to find all three red heads crying so he scooped them up and put them in the truck for a calming ride to Ravenswood. Jack was a patient, kind and generous Brother and Brother-in-Law who will be sorely missed by Madeline and Ilene.

As a Grandfather, Jack was actually a pretty cool friend to Kyle, Shelby and Corey. Kyle recalls attending the 5:30 am coffee klatch at the Huron Cove once and thinking that was the only time that getting up at 5:30 am was worth it! Shelby loved the fact that Grandpa Jack once won a bike at a Forest Fair raffle and couldn’t wait to pass it on to her. And Corey respected Grandpa’s wealth of historical knowledge on a trip to The Forest Museum. His love of history has been gratefully passed on and received by two young Chalupka gentlemen who will follow in their Grandpa Jack’s footsteps someday as the keeper of stories long remembered and shared. Grandpa Jack called Kyle, Shelby and Corey “The Happy Gang” and he would hope that you three continue to share your generous happiness with others. It is a blessing and a gift to us all!

As a Father-in-Law, Jack was a true mentor and friend to Brian. Brian recalls the first time he met Jack. His massive farm hands and that strong handshake that meant you were truly welcome to our family. Brian even went on Jack’s early morning paper route once and witnessed the dedication to his family through hard work, which Brian models with his children each and every day. And there was that time that Jack helped Brian by joining him on a Trick or Treat Halloween Adventure. Just Brian, Jack and the kids. Brian, you mean the world to our family. You are a carbon copy of Jack and the son he never had. Thank you for being our friend!

As a father, Jack gladly put up with a dynamic red-headed duo that were always a handful and likely still are! He was always proud of his two daughters Jen and Pat as they are so very proud of him. He adored and respected Jen for her strength and compassion as one of the best nurses Lambton County proudly boasts. Her tender care of patients quickly transferred to her tender and attentive care of Jack when he needed it most this past year. We all say “thank God for Jenny” each and every day! He also loved his Pat for her shared love of his beloved Leafs and Jays (someone has to love them!) and for their shared appreciation of telling a good yarn. Their Sunday morning phone calls across the miles will be sorely missed! Pat hopes that this eulogy (or epistle as Jack would call it) will serve as a small token of thanks for all of these years of wonderful, unquestioned loyalty and love. Jack loved his daughters relentlessly and we cannot thank him enough for this priceless gift. We will miss you Dad!

As a husband, Jack has shown all of us just how deep and powerful a lifetime of love can be! Many of you have been witness to more than a few photos of Jack and Bobbie comforting each other these past few difficult yet touching weeks at the hospice. Time-worn hands holding each other close. Fifty years of marriage has taught them that love does indeed last a lifetime through hard work, commitment, and even sacrifice. It is only love that could get Jack and Bobbie through their recent separation, and it will be love that sustains Bobbie through the very hard days and weeks ahead. Jack sure loved that Red Head from the Forest Bakery! Bobbie, Jack would want you to remember this: “I will always love you. I will live on in your heart and you can always find me there.”

What is the moral of this story of family? Love IS patient. Love IS kind. Use this love to bind yourselves together even more tightly in the days and weeks ahead. Love one another as Jack has loved you so very much.

We hope these stories have helped you get to know Jack Henderson a little better. We hope you will continue to tell your stories of Jack to each other beyond today as it would please him no end! Author Robert Fulghum, who wrote All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten, is also known for writing The Storyteller’s Creed. He writes:

“I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge. That myth is more potent than history. That dreams are more powerful than facts. That hope always triumphs over experience. That laughter is the only cure for grief. And I believe that love is stronger than death.”

This is Jack’s creed, and it is a good one! And since laughter is the only cure for grief, Jack would feel very strongly that there is always room for one more joke, so here goes:

“Knock, knock”

Congregation: who’s there?

“Effervescent”

Congregation: Effervescent who?

“Effervescent for my Mother and Father, I would not be here!”

In closing, you are about to hear Jack’s favourite song about the lucky old sun that gets to roll around in heaven all day by Don Robertson and The Ranch Boys. Listen carefully to the words if you can and think of Jack.

We all know that heaven is lucky today. It just inherited the best greeter ever. Close your eyes for a moment and just picture it:

Jack’s friendly farmer wave and warm smile.

He says “Come on in…

Take your coat off and stay awhile.

Pull up a chair.

Let me tell you a story.”